Losing a friend…rest in peace…
Several years ago, I met Jimmy. Also known to all those in the bar as Jimmy Love. It didn’t really matter what night you came in, Jimmy was usually there, “having a nightcap” after work before going home to bed.
I hadn’t been to the bar to meet up with my friends in ages. Partially because my ex still runs in the same crowd. I remember telling Jimmy that was I going to cut back my visits. I assured him that it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see him (quite honestly, I had grown quite fond of our weekly chats) — it was because I needed to break myself from seeing the ex. It had just become too much for me.
The thing was, Jimmy understood. When the ex and I broke up (even though I had doubts within myself) and even though he didn’t know the details, he saw me and told me that I looked like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I’d be happier…he said “trust me, it’s coming.” It was with his words that I became confident in my decision.
When things had become a little more difficult for me, he reaffirmed that I was strong, and I would make it. Sure enough, I did.
So now I wonder if I failed him, by not being around to tell him that life was going to be okay. Jimmy may have been an older gentleman, a veteran who had undoubtedly seen many things — so I wonder, why now, did he choose to leave us in this way.
Part of me wishes that I would’ve went up to the bar last week, but I wouldn’t have had anymore to tell him than what I’ve told him week after week. I just wonder if I could’ve told him I loved him one more time, if it would’ve made a difference?
So freaking busy…
I’m at it again, working all the time (trying to do my job extremely well) and doing homework what seems like ALL the time.
So of course, I don’t get to read or post on blogs as much as I would like — and when I want to, it seems something always tries to take precedence.
Argh, maybe the weekend I can actually write something of substance? Until then, every enjoy your Easter Weekend!
….I almost forgot I still had a blog….
I had a post all ready to go highlighting which goals I completed and stuff…and well, somehow, I deleted it and none of it really matters because there’s some good news I have which supersedes it all.
I got a 3.0 for the last quarter in school. I’m extremely proud of myself because I did this while working full-time and carrying a course load that consisted of 19 credit hours. (This is primarily the reason why udpating my blog became, well, non-essential for a moment.)
But now, I must come off that “I got awesome grades last quarter” high and start focusing on next quarter. It all starts again on Monday and I’m taking 16 credit hours, though I’m thinking of dropping one of my 3 credit hours courses to bring it down to 13.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m a little crazy to be going at this pace, but at the same time, I can just smell the finish line when it comes to school and I’m eager to finish and finish well.
In my personal life, I’ve made some changes which have proven to be unpopular with some of my friends, but I have to do what I need to do in order to succeed and survive. It’s going to be a challenging quarter — but I’m up for it. It’s one day at a time — or something like that. 
…relief…and other craziness…
My “roomie” moved out this week. I cannot even begin to express the joy and excitement that came with that. I had originally given her a 45-day notice to move out (I was feeling generous) and it took her a bit longer, but she is finally gone and my house — is finally clean.
I never thought I was a neat freak or anything of that nature, but apparently there is a certain way that I like to keep my house — and yeah, it’s almost back in pristine condition. All the common areas are clean, my bedroom looks a little less like my close threw up in it since I get to have my second bedroom back.
And then, well, I received an email from a married male friend of mine. He had, at one point, wanted to date me but since I’m done with the married man thing, I declined and we remained friends. Then he started dating a woman that doesn’t care for me much, and I just let the friendship kind of just sit there, not really forcing any issues.Now all of a sudden, he emails me to tell me that he’s decided that he’s going to go through with his divorce (though no paperwork has technically been filed) and that he’s having a hard time coping because his kids hate him.
I have no idea what to say to him, because being a child of divorce, I understand why his kids would hate him. It’s not like he decided to leave their mom because thery weren’t getting along, he decided to leave after he “found mom’s replacement” and well, that’s just not cool.
On the school front, I’ve gotten more accomplished and I’m “caught up” though that’s probably only going to last until tomorrow. And unfortunately, I have to go back to work.
But I’m happy (inside and out) with the direction my life is taking, I’m happy in my relationship, my home is now my home and not the apartment I’ve shared for way too long with an adult and a child. I couldn’t be more ecstatic.
…what?…I have goals!
I’ve been inspired to set some monthly goals for myself. (Thanks geekgirl!). I’m not sure how it’s all going to work out, but I have ideas. And I’m going to start small and not set too many because well, I really hate failure!
- Get my finances in order. I’ve actually been half-assing this since the beginning of the year. Last year was a relatively good year until the end when for some reason, I just let it all go to hell.
- Go to all of my classes this month. I have a bad habit when I’m doing well in a class, that I just miss a class or two. It shows in my Intermediate Accounting class and now I’m *stressing* majorly!
- Make decent progress on getting my second bedroom set-up as a home office. My “roomie” should be moving out shortly, and I should be able to get it 90% set up before the boyfriend actually comes for an extended visit in March/April.
- Set a deadline to have all my homework done for my internet classes and actually meet it!
- Pay off one of my credit cards. (I have only relatively small credit card debt, but I want to get rid of it!)
So that’s February in a nutshell, and even though I’ve set those goals 4 days into the month, I know I can do it!
*I had initially said that I was going to do nablopomo for February — but realized yesterday that February was already here and I was obviously off to a bad start! Maybe March, eh?*
birthday party…definitely better than 2008
In the midst of my updates, I realized that I hadn’t posted anything about my birthday this year. I felt I had to because it was definitely better than last year. This year didn’t end badly. I was surrounded by my closest friends who got me through the majority of my madness last year.
So I’m just going to post a few pictures out here and ya’ll can enjoy the fun times that I shared with my friends. (And despite the way it looks, my boobs did not pop out of my dress that night!)
updates…
School has been kicking my ass, so it’s no surprise that when I’m behind the first thing to go is blogging. Of course, having a couple of snow days has allowed me to catch up — and now I can update my blog. Just a little.
I’m tackling 19 credit hours this quarter and still managing to work full-time. Seems like I’ll be able to have a few moments to enjoy life as well because I’m forcing myself to do so and not let myself get too bogged down.
I just recently got back from a weekend trip to North Carolina to see a good friend of mine that’s being deployed to Iraq next month. It was a hard trip, slightly emotional — but worth it. All I can do is keep him in my thoughts and prayers and hope for his safety.
Other than that, looks like February is going to be a good month for my boyfriend and I as far as finances and time go. We might actually get back on track with our “long distance relationship” and get to enjoy each other’s company a little more often. I’m excited.
Other than that, nothing else of any importance really…my life is pretty much not all that intriguing. 
happy new year
It’s 2009 — and I’m already proud of myself. I wasn’t as evil as I could’ve been when I was out and saw my “arch nemeis.” In fact, I was quite pleasant and just ignored her.
I didn’t drunk dial or text any of my exes. (I barely responded to the text messages that I did receive — oops!)
Overall, I was a good girl — and if that’s any comparison to the bullsh*t that happened last year, 2009 is going to be fabulous!
…now on to my birthday party on Saturday — I’m definitely excited about that….
…can’t keep a secret…
Today my boyfriend calls and leaves me a message.
He tells me what he got me for Christmas.
He just bought it today.
Good thing I’m not the person that “has” to have my Christmas gift a surprise — but it made me smile to know that my boyfriend is equally as silly as I am about gifts.
If I buy him (or anyone else a gift), I want to give it to them right away. I beg them and beg them to open it before the date they’re supposed to…in fact, it’s almost me who dies from excitement.
He’s the same way, hence the reason he only goes Christmas shopping a few days before Christmas.
But it made me smile when I heard his message telling me that he bought me an external hard drive (and he told me about all the silly little specifications too). And the little techie inside of me is going to STILL be ultra excited when I get to open that box over the weekend.
making changes…
I’m making changes to my blog because I’m optimistic about 2009.
That’s not the reason. I actually have a few moments so I can change things a bit — and perhaps even post some of those posts that I had saved and then never posted.
(I bet ya’ll would love to hear about my uncle’s ghetto fabulous wedding now…)
So in the next few days, there’ll probably be lots of posting activity — and then there will be absolute quiet. Because well, my birthday will come, school will start, and my nose will be in between the covers of some great and not so interesting books.
