…crazy few weeks…
It’s been a crazy few weeks. Happenings at my job made me realize that I really do need to seek employment elsewhere, but I’m not sure where to turn yet.
My dating life has been uneventful. After one amazing date, one that was a complete waste of time and energy, and being hit on several times by married men. I think I’m over it all. I have one amazingly great guy friend that spoils me…so I’m going to stick with that for now.
Other than that, I’m just contemplating whether wanting to drink while watching Intervention (about an alcoholic) makes me a bad person.
…this is for you…
I’ve written a few posts where I admit my shortcomings. I’m materialistic. I’m spoiled. I expect entirely too much of people (and by ‘entirely too much,’ I mean that I expect them to do what they say). Never has anyone said that I care too much about myself. Well, that was until I got into a long conversation in the comments section of my last post with hangerbaby. (I’m still trying to figure out what that name is really supposed to mean…)
Hangerbaby is right though. I do care too much about myself. Because as my mom says, if you don’t care about yourself/love yourself/like yourself, you can’t expect other people to. Yep — it’s true. I will always be my own biggest fan.
I think I’m amazing, though slightly acerbic. And sometimes I can genuinely care less about what people think of me.I blame it on how and where I was raised. Sometimes, you must develop a thick skin…or learn to fight. I chose the former.
But I’m tired now — so please, please hangerbaby, can we just play nice — until Monday when work will cause me to be bitter and defensive all over again.
P.S. thanks for amusing me…but you’re still exhausting. By the way, I’ll be waiting for you to pick me up for the best non-boring date I’ve had in awhile — please wear your favorite Ed Hardy shirt.
…dating…
I’m beginning to think that this dating thing just isn’t for me. I’m becoming more in favor of the arranged marriage thing. I know it sounds crazy — but I’m really just not feeling this whole dating thing as I’m starting to find it exhausting.
I did have an awesome date with one of my last two dates. He was great, we enjoyed great conversation, and it was probably one of the best interactions I had in a long time (with the exception of dinners with my best guy friend). And then he sealed the night off with a kiss.
The problem was that this date — wasnt really supposed to be a date as he just recently found out that he could be transferred somewhere out West. He won’t find out for another two weeks or so. In the meantime, it’s kinda silly to get involved romantically — even though it feels like we already “sorta” have.
It’s this confusing sh*t that makes me hate dating. I am definitely not even considering going into a long distance relationship. Been there, done that — should’ve won a bunch of awards for being the amazingly kind patient half of that bullsh*t.
So I’m not sure what comes next. I have another prospective date coming up this weekend and I’m still attracting decent guys (and old a** losers who live in different countries) on my profile.
Guess I’ll just see where this all goes.
two dates in a week?!
So, I gave up on eHarmony and joined Match. I know eHarmony prided itself on the whole dimensions of compatibility thing, but at this point I think it’s fair to say — that didn’t work for me. For those matches that I did manage to get through all the stages of communication with, I almost felt I knew too much about them and too little at the same time. And by the end of all that, a bit of the excitement had waned.
So I joined Match.com over the holidays — Christmas to be exact when I was waiting for my sweet potato pies to bake. And almost instantly, I had prospects. Relatively decent guys who actually caught my attention.
Three days later, I had my first date. No sparks really, but great company and good conversation. And I have another date Sunday.
I’m not really downing eHarmony and it could just be that maybe my personality and confidence shows through more on Match than it did on eHarmony…or it could mean that eHarmony’s system is flawed.
But all in all, I guess what’s important is that I’m actually enjoying dating again and that’s quite remarkable.
…the post where I admit I’m materialistic and spoiled…
So maybe eHarmony hasn’t been a total bust. I’ve met one guy that seemed interesting enough and we’re still planning a meeting that probably won’t happen, and I’ve gotten to all of the various communication stages with others.
The latest guy did, however, make me take a quick look at myself in the mirror. I laugh at the reflection that I see.
At a certain point, you get to this must have/can’t stand list. On his must have list: Organized. At the top of his can’t stand list he puts: materialistic and fiscally irresponsible.
Seriously, organization in my life comes and goes. My car: a disaster. My desk: looks like I have OCD. My bedroom: organized chaos. My living room and bathroom: A MASTERPIECE. I consider organization necessary only in some places.
And then for can’t stand: I’m a total fail. I wouldn’t consider myself materialistic, but I like nice things – and on occasion REALLY nice things. I mean, after all, I was sitting here as the spoiled only child I am trying to get my mother to go half on a pair of MUST HAVE Fendi shoes. That may mean that I’m fiscally irresponsible because I’m willing to buy these shoes even if it means ramen noodles become my best friends.
Heck, I’m honest. And it’s at this point, I wonder if I should do both me and this guy a favor by stating, hey, I’m a materialistic, spoiled girl…and closing the match.
*sigh*
…eHarmony? eh….
I’m still navigating eHarmony. Really, it’s not that bad — but I do wish that there were a few features that they had. The waiting for someone to reply back to you is horrendous. Especially since you can’t see when the last time they logged on was. So for all you know, they’ve seen your initial communication request but they’re not interested and they were too lazy to close the match.
Yes, I think there are people who are too lazy to close matches. Mainly because I’ve done the same. Since I have joined eHarmony before and then suspended my profile, I realize that there were matches that I neglected to close in 2008. Seriously, I can’t go back and close them now…because people get notification of that kind of thing. So they just sit there — just hanging out and taking up visual space on my computer.
I talk almost every day to the Guy #1 who I’m still having a date planning session with. And then today I received a communication from Guy #2. Yes that’s right 2 months on eHarmony and I’m only actively communication with two men.
I know there’s this whole dimensions of compatibility thing…but I could meet more than two men on a random weekend out.
We’ll see what happens with these two. I’m not holding my breath.
online dating chronicles
A while ago, I contemplated giving up dating. Only because the last guy was a complete asshole — and well, the guy that makes me smile from ear to ear lives in Florida. So, I signed up for eHarmony in hopes that if there was any likelihood that I find a guy that doesn’t live a plane flight away from me, it might be here. Plus it touts this whole ‘many dimensions of compatibility testing.’
I’d like to say that thus far, eHarmony is a failure! I’ve connected with three men — two of which are not my type at all, and the third which holds slight possibility. Very slight. But he lives a good 400 miles away…(not 1000) yet far away.
Conversations between me and the third guy have been promising. Reminiscent of every other tim I’ve become slightly excited about a guy — we’ll see. There’s a date planning session going on…
self-worth
*I wrote this a few days ago and then lost the post!!*
On occasion, it happens. I answer a text message I shouldn’t have. I talk to a guy that should’ve been ignored. And I seem to be groveling for the attention of my best guy friend. Oh well — shit happens.
Today, the Dr texts and asks if I want to go see a movie. I reply in the affirmative with a reminder that I’m off at 8. His response is, ‘you know it’s just as friends.’ And that’s when I become upset.
He broke up with me in a less than honorable way and there’s no way I’d ever consider being more than friends as this whole friendship thing is more of a pity thing anyway. Truly — he’s overestimating his self-worth here especially when I see him as little more than damaged.
I think I’m going to enjoy my own company tonight. Coupled with a good movie and a glass of wine.
…working for the man…
I work in corporate. I want to quit.
I thought it wouldn’t get any worse and the man bent me over and well…
Today, I learned that in 2010 I’ll be losing 10 vacation days. Well, they’re not really all vacation days, it’s personal days, sick time, all rolled into one. Instead of the 25 I’m accustomed to (only because I buy an extra week), I’ll get 15. This is because they’re cutting my allotted time down by 5 and I’m no longer allowed to purchase.
Oh and they’ve lessened the amount of our 401k match.
And employee health benefits are going up by a significant amount.
To cap this off — NO raises.
I’d like to tell my job to suck it. Thinking about it. If I run the numbers and it ends up positively, I’m going back to school full time, maxing out student loans and doing what I have to do.
…the nerve…
I guess I should’ve expected it. I go off to Vegas, have the best time of my life, come back home and within a week the Dr text messages me to see if I want to go to a function with him (and the other residents.)
Besides the obvious ‘hell no’ that I blurted out immediately after wondering why this fool was still texting me, I politely informed him that I was dating someone. He seemed a little shocked, I guess he thought I was going to stay single longer so maybe he could figure his shit out. I, on the other hand, spent a lot of time single (dated here and there) just trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of a future relationship. My last ex had me all fucked up, mainly because he had escalated things to a physical level. Instead of a let’s break up, he went the ‘if I choke you will you pass out’ route.
Needless to say, I am just not going to indulge in the Dr’s self-destructive pattern. If he had still wanted to date me, he should’ve said that. Instead, he left me a little pissed with a lot of free time on my hands. And Matt got to benefit from that — some say I should’ve never left him to begin with, but I still had some growing left to do.
