…the way forward…

Things between the boy and I are over. And while I’m sad and heartbroken — I’m trying to just find peace with everything that has happened.

Since my birthday (which was at the beginning of the month), I’ve been betrayed, had my heartbroken, made an amazing new friend, and reconnected with an old one. I’ve also moved out of the boy’s house, lived with my best friend and her son, and found a new apartment all by myself.

It’s odd, but I’m looking forward to a little time alone.

I have quiet & space, yet I also know that my friends will be there when I need them. I have “my Jay” back and I never realized how much my friend Jay meant to me until all this stuff went down.

So it’s not so much that it’s over…I’m optimistic for a new beginning.

I haven’t written in such a long time because I just wasn’t sure how to put together the words to describe everything I’ve been going through.

Christmas was wonderful — and then I had a birthday.

I did my typical birthday party thing — dinner with the girls and then out to some bars/clubs where the guys meet up with us. Then I was blindsided by an incident that almost caused the end of my relationship with J.

Needless to say, writing was the last thing on my mind. I needed to sort through the jungle of emotions in my mind & heart. First and foremost, I needed to figure out if the relationship I had with J was healthy, if it was repairable, or if I even wanted it anymore.

Last week, we decided that it was something we could work through. Our conversation brought some closure to some issues and awareness that we still had a lot of issues to fix. Nothing too major — just things to work on. And we determined that both of us, still want the same thing.

After all that, school started again and I find myself tackling a full-time course load, working full-time, and trying to find some time for me in all of that. Oh — and I’m moving at the end of the month (Lord willing). So it’s a busy time, but a good busy time. I’m not stressed — for the first time in ages even though I have more on my plate.

I’m starting my dance classes again and I’m hitting the gym hard core yet again. (The Arnold Classic is about a month away!)

So if you pray — keep me in your prayers. If you don’t, at least send some good vibes my way. I could use them.