again…
I’m not going out again while I live in this stupid state and city. I’m done.
For the second time, my car was broken into while I was at the club.
The first time, my purse was stolen and I had to go through the hassle of cancelling credit cards and making sure that my bank knew that everything was gone.
I paid out of pocket for the window because buying the window was less expensive than my deductible. This was less than 3 weeks ago.
Tonight — they broke a different window — and they stole NOTHING. Moved a few things around looking for shit but took NOTHING!!!!
Not the new expensive hat I had bought my cousin, not the overly expensive shoes I leave in my car to change in. Absolutely nothing.
There was a bag sitting on the back seat — a tote — that I suppose they thought was a purse that was flattened and obviously empty. But they ramsacked my car anyway, yet didn’t bother to go inside the glove compartment or the center console (there are lovely goodies there).
From now on, I’m contemplating leaving all the damn windows down and the door unlocked. Seriously.
But I think I’m just going to stop going out. I’m tired of paying to have this sh*t fixed.
contentment
It’s funny. Ever since Matt and I decided that we were committing ourselves to this relationship, I’ve had a general feeling of contentment. Not running around, jumping off the walls excitement — but just a nice mellow contentment.
It amuses me because I am exactly the opposite of what people say I should be. My sister says I’m not excited enough for a woman in love. I laughed at her because the truth is that I’ve been in love with Matt for ages…but I ran from it. Dating guys I shouldn’t have just to do it. Running away from all the positive things that Matt had brought into our relationship before. Now that we’re back together and on the same page — I’m just content. I know I’m where I should be right now and I’m excited about the possibilities.
Not jumping up and down outwardly yet though. I think I’m afraid I might just jinx it.
operation photoshoot
I haven’t done a photoshoot since I was about 19. I “lived” in the artsy part of town way before I actually got an apartment there. I hung out in studios with the scupltors, painters and photographers.
Interestingly enough, my mother encouraged me to explore my artistic side. There are tons of pictures of me doing exactly this.
I never did anything too provocative really, it was all just artistic enough to push the envelope.
We’ll just say, I’m at it again.
This time though, I want to achieve a different kind of look. Obviously, I’m not the same girl I was at 19. I’m “bigger” though I don’t really mind, yet I want to get more in shape.
I have two photographers that I’m working with this time around. One does exclusively car/racing magazine shots, and the other (thank God he’ll know how to work with my curvy body) specializes in 50’s style pin up shots.
I want to do this all by my birthday (January) and my weight loss goal is 20 -30 lbs. It’s completely doable — but I have to do the photoshoot in 2 months – MID-DECEMBER.
Basically, I’m posting this on my blog so I have to do it. Come December I know one of my readers is going to demand to see proof of me accomplishing my goal.
Here we go!
*I’ll try to post weight loss updates on a weekly basis*
struggling…kinda
The last few months in review:
A friend broke up with me via text message. Since she had been mad at me since February for a laundry list of things that I had no clue about, I just let it go. Probably not the best way to handle it, but friends don’t go months without telling you that you’ve fucked up. So I figured the split was for the best anyway.
I went on a trip to San Antonio that turned out to be less than stellar, but I made the most of the experience and made a really great friend in the meantime. (I can’t wait to go back home and it’ll be on my terms.)
I’ve spent an incredible amount of time soul-searching. Trying to figure out what I want out of this life and where exactly I’m going next year. And I’ve come to this conclusion: it’s time to make a committment.
If you’ve read my blog for any lengthy amount of time, you’ll know that I’ve dated off and on this guy in Florida. To be completely honest, despite all the relationships I had in the interim, this guy had and always will have my heart. I just denied it. I didn’t want to admit, because I know that being in this relationship I’d have to make a decision that I didn’t want to make. I know people love Florida, but I’m not one of them. I despise the humidity, the bugs, and those icky little lizard thingys.
We’ve decided to try this whole relationship thing again. We were able to make the long distance thing work before that there’s no reason it shouldn’t work now. However, there’s a definite end date in sight. How we end it, I just don’t know yet. It just involves one of us making the move — and I think it might be me — and strangely enough, I’m okay with that.
