online dating chronicles
A while ago, I contemplated giving up dating. Only because the last guy was a complete asshole — and well, the guy that makes me smile from ear to ear lives in Florida. So, I signed up for eHarmony in hopes that if there was any likelihood that I find a guy that doesn’t live a plane flight away from me, it might be here. Plus it touts this whole ‘many dimensions of compatibility testing.’
I’d like to say that thus far, eHarmony is a failure! I’ve connected with three men — two of which are not my type at all, and the third which holds slight possibility. Very slight. But he lives a good 400 miles away…(not 1000) yet far away.
Conversations between me and the third guy have been promising. Reminiscent of every other tim I’ve become slightly excited about a guy — we’ll see. There’s a date planning session going on…
self-worth
*I wrote this a few days ago and then lost the post!!*
On occasion, it happens. I answer a text message I shouldn’t have. I talk to a guy that should’ve been ignored. And I seem to be groveling for the attention of my best guy friend. Oh well — shit happens.
Today, the Dr texts and asks if I want to go see a movie. I reply in the affirmative with a reminder that I’m off at 8. His response is, ‘you know it’s just as friends.’ And that’s when I become upset.
He broke up with me in a less than honorable way and there’s no way I’d ever consider being more than friends as this whole friendship thing is more of a pity thing anyway. Truly — he’s overestimating his self-worth here especially when I see him as little more than damaged.
I think I’m going to enjoy my own company tonight. Coupled with a good movie and a glass of wine.
…working for the man…
I work in corporate. I want to quit.
I thought it wouldn’t get any worse and the man bent me over and well…
Today, I learned that in 2010 I’ll be losing 10 vacation days. Well, they’re not really all vacation days, it’s personal days, sick time, all rolled into one. Instead of the 25 I’m accustomed to (only because I buy an extra week), I’ll get 15. This is because they’re cutting my allotted time down by 5 and I’m no longer allowed to purchase.
Oh and they’ve lessened the amount of our 401k match.
And employee health benefits are going up by a significant amount.
To cap this off — NO raises.
I’d like to tell my job to suck it. Thinking about it. If I run the numbers and it ends up positively, I’m going back to school full time, maxing out student loans and doing what I have to do.
…the nerve…
I guess I should’ve expected it. I go off to Vegas, have the best time of my life, come back home and within a week the Dr text messages me to see if I want to go to a function with him (and the other residents.)
Besides the obvious ‘hell no’ that I blurted out immediately after wondering why this fool was still texting me, I politely informed him that I was dating someone. He seemed a little shocked, I guess he thought I was going to stay single longer so maybe he could figure his shit out. I, on the other hand, spent a lot of time single (dated here and there) just trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of a future relationship. My last ex had me all fucked up, mainly because he had escalated things to a physical level. Instead of a let’s break up, he went the ‘if I choke you will you pass out’ route.
Needless to say, I am just not going to indulge in the Dr’s self-destructive pattern. If he had still wanted to date me, he should’ve said that. Instead, he left me a little pissed with a lot of free time on my hands. And Matt got to benefit from that — some say I should’ve never left him to begin with, but I still had some growing left to do.
…be good…
I’m starting to wonder what’s wrong with me since every person in my family ends each conversation they have with me saying “be good.” Those words, I swear will be engraved in my tombstone.
Perhaps, it’s because they know me better than I know myself. And they know that my mouth will get me in trouble.Today would be a perfect example.
Yesterday, I filed a formal complaint with Human Resources about my mid-year review. Only because there were a bunch of performance metrics that I hadn’t met because they were never revealed until September. Oh — and my mid-year review happened two months late.
I’m a numbers person. And well, the numbers don’t lie. So my review is what it is. However, not knowing what numbers I should be hitting, I couldn’t do anything about it. By letting me know what these numbers were in September, put me at a disadvantage because I couldn’t do anything about third quarter and doing exceptionally well in 4th quarter wasn’t going to correct the other three quarters of madness.
It was at this point that I just had to out my management as being frauds. Seriously, if I am/was as a bad of an employee as it seems on paper, then they should’ve written me up or coached me towards meeting standards. None of this happened.
So today, the CEO of our company came down to visit us (the Southwest District). I narrowly escaped being in an elevator with him (my badge thankfully did not want to let me past the security zone to get to the elevator). And then when his minions came to walk around my floor, I was thankfully on the phone talking to a client. It was perfect — because there were specifically questions I wanted to avoid. Mainly the question that’s basically “this is my company, how do you like working here?” I wouldn’t have been able to lie to save my life.
I’m as good as I can be for right now. Let’s hope that tomorrow isn’t that hard.
new phone!
I always get excited when I get a new piece of technology. Today, it’s a new BlackBerry and so far I am thrilled. Add to that, a wordpress app so that I can update my blog and I am the happiest girl in the midwest.
Now if only I could find interesting things to blog about. 
…typical…
Vegas. Only 48 hours. And like 3 pictures.
It might be just me, but I really enjoy the company I’m with and I forget to take pictures. Not to mention that every time I see a “tourist” snapping pictures in front of something spectacularly beautiful, it makes me laugh because the background usually outshines the person.
I had a great time though…and I realized a few things. I missed Matt…in a way that I had never even imagined. And I wonder why I spent the last two years fighting everything that I knew was right.
Our relationship has never been conventional. And maybe it’s because I hate all things conventional that I love the way we are so much.
It just seems that my family (being somewhat conservative religiously) have been trying to force me in that direction — and well, I’ve refused to believe.
I don’t really believe in marriage. And the jury’s still out on the whole kid thing. I know that if I do want to have some (specifically with Matt) I’m going to have to make a decision relatively soon — because he doesn’t want to be too old. But that’s that — and well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
But for now, I’m going to enjoy the fact that him and I had a great time…and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have the chance to be with him again.
…Vegas…
It’s hard to believe that five years ago I was doing the exact same thing I’m doing now — navigating the dating scene and coming up horribly empty. However, it was about this time five years ago that I met Matt.
After five years of on-again-off-again bullsh*t (and I’ll admit that it was all my fault), we find ourselves exactly back where we started. Just older. And wider…and maybe a tad bit wiser.
This Friday, we’ll be heading off to Vegas and I am very much excited. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to enjoy a weekend away just due to our lives being hectic, us not being together, or any other myriad of things that have kept us apart for the better part of two years. But we have always remained great friends — and for that I am forever thankful.
I had other hopes for this month for myself, but it seems like once again somebody bigger than me had other plans for me — and better ideas. I am simply along for the ride!
…excited…
I’m completely excited. Matt has arranged for us to go to Vegas in a little over a week. I feel exactly like I did when we met 5 years ago and each trip was an adventure, planned with little notice, and absolutely amazing. I am even more excited that this trip will involve two of my favorite things: football and poker.
Other than that, I’m just kinda plodding along steadily with school. This quarter is my “quarter off” and I’m only taking two classes. I’m loving it because it’s allowed me to get back in the gym like I want to (I’ve lost 5 lbs in the past 1 1/2 weeks) and I haven’t done any diet modifications, just cardio.
Anyway, I think the rest of this year is going to be amazing. I can’t wait.
…as quickly as it started…
It was over. Over the weekend I broke up with the guy I was seeing. My heart just wasn’t in it, and I felt it was quickly approaching the friend zone…so I needed to help it out a bit there.
And though, I’m sad that some things had to happen like they did, I’m even more appreciative of my good friend Jay who stepped up (as he always has) and made the rest of my day wonderful.
So I’m single again (which should make my planned Vegas trip more interesting) and I’m quite alright with that.
